Peer pressure has been around for ages. It makes you do things that you wouldn't normally do. Peer pressure makes you give in when you know you shouldn't. This pressure is usually given directly, person to person, talking right to you. But, now with the invention of Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, there is a new way for teenagers to be persuaded. The new form of peer pressure today is social media. Although social media supports good influences, bad influences are all over social networks.
Teenagers are influenced to drink and party everyday. Friends might tell them things like, "You have to come to the party, everybody's going," or, "Just one drink, have some fun." But nowadays, nobody has to tell you anything to influence you. You just have to see pictures on social media. "American researchers who studied 1,500 15 and 16 year old students from a Los Angeles High School have found that those individuals who saw more pictures of their friends partying or drinking online were more likely to try drinking and partying themselves." Just visual pictures influences adolescents everyday. And these pictures increase their likeliness to drink by a lot more. Another study found that, "Teens who have come across these kinds of photos are 3 times more likely to have consumed alcohol." One quick check on your social media feed could make you 3 times more likely to be an underage drinker. It doesn't even have to be someone you know. Now, strangers you wouldn't even go close to can influence you like one of your closest friends. This condition of giving into peer pressure has become so common that it has earned a name, "FoMO: Fear of Missing Out... where people are concerned that others way be having more fun than them." The thought of being left out can be the cause to giving into peer pressure. It makes you do wrong things to avoid being called "lame or buzzkill". Social media has made peer pressure even more dangerous.
In school, social status is everything. You have to wear the nice clothes, have the nice things, and have the cool friends. And the way to prove to everyone that you have all of these things is social media. Social media has become so important in teenagers' everyday lives to the point that they feel obligated to prove themselves online. "59% of teens feel a lot of pressure to post popular content that makes them look good to others." More than half of the teen population in this study feel the need to be approved by everyone else. This is very bad and it has also escalated into worse things. "One girl in the focus group explained how the pressure to post cool content on Instagram led to the end of a friendship." Teenagers are so caught up in trying to be the ideal and coolest kid on campus, that they are willing to give up friends to make it happen. Although teenagers think that social media is harmless, they are unaware of what is actually happening to them. "...as Facebook interactions interact, self-esteem drops." There will always be someone better than you. Nobody wants that, but it will always be that way. Teenagers don't accept that so they feel bad about themselves. Social media is just another way for adolescents to be judged.
"Nearly 23% of high school students use tobacco products... and smoke." And these 23% of high school students sometimes feel the need to post pictures and videos of themselves using these products. These posts are open for everyone to see and in that moment when another teenager comes across one of them, just like drinking, their likeliness of smoking increases drastically. "75% of teenagers seeing photos on social networks of other teens smoking weed encourages them to do the same." 3/4 of teens that see peers smoking instantly feel encouraged to join them. Coming across pictures of others drinking only increases likeliness to drink by 3 times. "Teens who have across these kinds of photos are 4 times more likely to have used marijuana." For smoking, the stakes go up to 4 times. This is why smoking is so much more dangerous than before. Social media has just become another way of transportation for peer pressure, in fact the fastest and most efficient way today.
In conclusion, social media has turned into something it was not planned to be. It has turned into a gateway for peer pressure. And it was so easy to become this because it is so accessible to everyone. Not only friends and peers, but strangers can influence adolescents online. Drinking, partying, and smoking has increased since the invention of social networks. Also, being on social media alone has given more than half of teens pressure to look attractive to everyone else. Peer pressure in person has some competition. "Peer pressure is as effective online as it is in person."
Overall, your essay was very fluent and easy to follow. Although, I feel like your topic sentences were predictable such as, " Peer pressure has been around for ages." This topic sentence is predictable because I think that people already know that Peer Pressure has been around for a while. Also, I liked your use of vocab and your spelling and grammar was good. Your concluding sentences were good and interesting because it made me want to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteIn all, your essay was informative and organized in flow. But I think you should add where you got the facts and percentages for the 3rd and 4th paragraph to convince the audience more with where or who said the fact. But Overall I felt your essay was good.
ReplyDeleteYour essay had good word choice and sentence fluency. I think that your thesis should include the main points of your body paragraphs so it's easier to support. You had good evidence and information, but you should try to explain it more in your reasoning to help the reader understand the topic better. Many times in your reasoning you are kind of just saying the same things that you did in your evidence. Overall good job!
ReplyDeleteTHESIS IS VERY WEAK AND DOES NOT TAKE AN ACTUAL POSITION AND TELL US WHAT YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS WILL BE ABOUT. THE INTRO IS LACKING BACKGROUND INFO/DISCUSSION THAT IT NEEDS TO INFORM THE READER WHAT YOUR ESSAY WILL BE ABOUT. YOUR REASONING IN YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS ALSO ARE VERY WEAK, THEY DO NOT PROVIDE ANY NEW INSIGHT "This is very bad and it has also escalated into worse things." THAT IS ONE EXAMPLE, ALMOST ALL REASONING NEEDS TO BE FIXED. REASONING NEEDS TO EXTENDED DISCUSSION THAT ADDS/ELABORATES ON YOUR EVIDENCE. SOME REASONING ENDS UP BEING EVIDENCE. ALMOST YOUR ENTIRE ESSAY IS JUST QUOTES OR FACTS TAKEN FROM RESEARCH. AND YOU REASONING BECOMES VERY REPETITIVE AS YOU TALK ABOUT LOOKING AT PICTURES WAY TOO MUCH, NEED TO TELL US SOMETHING WE DON'T KNOW. REMEMBER YOUR DISCUSSION IS CENTRAL AND FACTS ARE THERE TO SUPPORT/PROVE IT. AS(1+)
ReplyDelete